How to Prepare to Watch a Video of the Police Killing a Black Person
Make sure you have a sink full of cold water ready
With my kitchen sink filled with cold water and a towel placed on the counter, I was ready.
I recall staring into the black screen of my phone, gazing at my reflection. My expression seemed sterner than usual — lips slightly taunt and eyes focused on the phone screen. I then paid attention to my body — my heart was beating faster than usual, and my breath seemed shallow.
Remembering my deep breathing exercises, I inhaled through my nose within a count of five and then exhaled through my mouth within a count of five. Inhale one, two, three, four, five; exhale one, two, three, four, five. I repeated this process five times. My breath then seemed to even out.
I had an idea of what I was about to watch. My dad described it to me over the phone while he was watching the news. The truth is, I didn’t want to see it with my own eyes. However, I felt I had a responsibility to do so. I felt I needed to witness what my family, my friends, and I are up against. I needed to see the enemy myself and what they were capable of.
After a deep sigh, I turned on my phone’s screen, tapped in my passcode, and pressed the “play” button.
