Member-only story
2023: The Year Of Recovery
Recovering my soul, my spirit, and my voice
Content warning: This article contains details about suicidal idealization and attempts. If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline by dialing 988.
I spent New Year’s Eve with a heating pad, alone, in my bed, with my laptop, watching the famous ball drop in New York City. My 2022 ended with a herniated disc in my lower back.
I have had issues with my back for years. The first time it happened, I was working at a grocery store. I bent over to pick up a customer’s bag of groceries, and my back shouted, “OW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!”
This sharp pain I have never felt before flared up from my lower back and shot down my right leg. I could barely move without yelling out. I have never experienced pain like that before in my life.
I ended up going to the emergency room where they did absolutely nothing for me except give me a huge bill I couldn’t pay (I did not have insurance at the time). However, my back seemed to heal on its own. That was until years later when I worked at an office. I remember I turned my chair around, and again, I heard my back scream, “I’M BACK! I’M BACK IN YOUR BACK!”
